im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
