I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
