hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
