If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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