Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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