well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
