Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
