thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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