So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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