ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
