look no pants
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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