UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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