dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
