absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
