The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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