please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
