my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
