So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
