You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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