thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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