Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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