The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
