this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
