She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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