Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
