You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
