He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Is it penis luge time yet?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
