I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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