i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
