fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
