That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
