I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
