what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
