I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
