hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
