He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Randomize
