i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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