Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
