guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
