My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
