I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
