do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
