His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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