We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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