woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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