I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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