You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
