He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
