5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
