Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
