Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
