so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
