Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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