I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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