Redeem this text for a blowjob
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
